seriously, why you always dk what i want? everything happen and happen agn and agn. you always nvr failed to understand. why? am i really that hard to understand? i was wondering, do you really understand me after so long? my style, the way i react, what i always do, how weak am i, and stuffs. or is it like what they say, i nvr change is just that you nvr take the effort to get to know me. look, after so long i know you so well. what about your understanding of me to you? when shi ting and anna went to look for jobs with out me, i told you; no one cares about me, im just nth. and you told me im something to you. but when you say your friend is coming to find job with us, i didnt reply you becos i was talking on the phone. and without saying a single word about how i feel, shi ting even know that i dun wan her to come. not to reject her from coming, i keep quiet. and you say you are meeting her in the morning . and during the afternoon, becos she say she wanna go to work in that job, without asking me i wanna work there anot and you walked in. becos i didnt go in and say idw to work at there its my fault. alright is my fault.. what about what you have told me that day? working with ME. now you are telling me you gonna work with her cos you dun wanna dump her alone, so i gave in. becos you say she was ALONE. your friend is ALONE. so i really decided to gv in by saying my friends were working there and i will be fine WITHOUT you. and you can happily reply me; you dun fall for them can alr. im really really really disappointed. becos you dw your friend to be alone you can dump your gf. which guy out there will dump his gf alone? i seriously dun get it.. i know by saying this im being selfish. i will be fine without you in this job. i will be fine. and im really not fine. i hate to lie to myself but i really had enough of this. i should just wake up from my own world. this is reality, no on will care about you no matter what, if you really need to gv in what is your and it hurts you so much, then just gv in and walk alone. i can walk this through by myself. i no need anyone's help. no matter how weak am i,i can get it through by myself. just do whateva you wan. becos i always wont get what i wan, so what if i got it? it will still turn out to be others. others can always take over my place that easily. i will nvr be that important to anyone else. sometimes ppl can just hurt me directly without caring how i feel. what can i do is give in what i have to cheer others up. in order not to let others think that im selfish or dun care about their feeling. they can even hate you when you do all these stuffs.. no matter how much you gv in, once you did wrong something, you are a bad person. this world is really unfair. you cant even argue back becos you will nvr win no matter what. even if you explain, they will take that as an excuse and push all the blame on you. so no point. i have learn a hard way to live my life.. no point.. no point..

what can i say? what can i do? im so fucking piss off to the max that i can do everything to destroy myself. what i say wasn't right. although it was rite, YOU DUN CARE. ALRIGHT YOU DUN CARE. AND IM OVER HERE SO FKING PISS OFF AND FKING CARE ABOUT WHAT IS FKING HAPPENING AND THIS IS FKING IRRITATING. everything happen agn and agn, im sick and tired. sick and tired of everything that keep on happening agn and agn. you knew everything. you knew how would i react. you knew that im sensitive. you knew it all you knew i cant take this. but why? why it keep on happening. i seriously started to be more and more afraid that one day when i wake up and you wasnt here anymore. i was so scare that history will happen agn. im really really afraid. i cant feel secure myself. i cant. i kept on telling myself you wont leave. yes you wont. that is also what i told myself that time. and you leaved me 3 times. hanging over there 3 times. how afraid i am. and i was hoping you wont say the word "leave" at that point of time. i was only wishing that you could stay as a friend. but end up what happen? you said it all out. i tried my best to stay you by my side over and over agn when i know im alr breaking apart. im dying inside. im just killing myself by doing that. but i just wont gv up on letting you stay. and when i was doing all this. you over there adding salt into my wound and tearing my scar wider. saying ppl cheered you up and all sort of stuffs. at that point i was wondering how heartless can you be.. and you told me you wanna leave the next day. what have i done wrong? i really hate it that she can be there when im not. YOU ARE WILLING TO GO TO HER LET HER SEE YOUR FACE AND THERE YOU ARE PUSHING ME AWAY..and you can say that you love me. THIS IS JUST SO UNFAIR..how unfair can this world be? i kept everything to myself. i kept it all to myself. when i alr know i couldn't take it. i cant even cry in front of my friends. im afraid they will be worrying about me. when we got back together,you called me stop crying. it wont happen agn. but what happen rite now? agn it happen. and it got worst this time..yes you rejected. but there is still evidence, eye witness.. you can explain, you can say everything you have done was a misunderstanding.. but what would everyone thinks? i can believe you i can trust you. i can. but will anyone who alr love someone and another with stead doing that in public? you can im too sensitive or what. she even dare you to tell me what has happened. and you hide it from me for days..im happy that you told me about it.. but i just cant accept the facts. you told me you dun care about her feelings. you dun care what she is doing, she is saying, everything about her. but have you realize she have alr gotten your attention? you can say about her everywhere you go. she can even call you anytime. as a friend.. remember that day we are skyping? you told me your books is with her.. and i was thinking yea, maybe as friends. when she called you while we are skyping, you was laughing so happily? im just so jealous and dying inside. you have nvr done that when we are on phone..the next day you say agn your other books is with her.. what is this?..and then you told me you both do those stuffs and she dun wan you to tell me that time, you really really hurt me hard.. you are just taking a knife and stab into my heart..im really really just so afraid.. i have no idea what can i do.. now you can tell her everything about you. saying what she has told you in front of everyone. when everyone dk who is that but i know. i know who are you saying. when i told them about it, they know exactly know how i feel. they know about her feelings too. and yet all you said was, you dun care.. dun care?.. are you kidding me? im so so so so afraid that i will lose you agn. i felt so unprotected. i cant take what will happen next.. am i gonna gv in what is mine agn? i have to gv in to see a happy face? like how it was used to be? gv in everything i have to make everyone happy? will i have to let go of someone agn? will someone leave agn? im feeling so unimportant agn. and i hate to feel this way..why? why all this always happen? what have i done wrong? or am i just so useless that everyone dw me anymore? can someone tell me what have i done? i just can stop the fear of losing someone like how i lose them last year.. am i that annoying? im useless in your life? you dw me anymore? becos someone took over my place? someone can cheer you up better and i cant? is it? you wan me to leave alr me because you are sick and tired of me? im really really cant afford to hear all this.. im so afriad that one day you will come to me and say all those stuffs. afraid that one day you will say you have alr forgotten me, forgotten everything we have, forgotten what i have done for you.. idw everything to turn into ashes..im really really afriad. and i have to idea what can i do or say anymore. i really really dk. maybe, maybe.. im just too sensitive. or maybe things just be better when it comes to me..